I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
