She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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