I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
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