On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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