do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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