So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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