You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
