he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
