he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
