youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
