Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
