i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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