its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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