Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
