Who wears a wallet chain?!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
