i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
