Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
