I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
