cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
