I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize