went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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