I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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