Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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