i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He did a backflip because drugs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
