gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
