I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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