Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
