Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
