I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
