Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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