On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
