I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
