They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
