U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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