i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
