Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Two words: blizzard sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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