Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
