yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
