took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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