Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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