Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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