Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
