you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
