I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize