Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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