when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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