I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
