never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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