Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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