just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
