Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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