i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize