I'm sorry my penis didn't work
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
