So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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