I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize