Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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