After last night, I could never be a politician.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need moral support for this bender
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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