I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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