every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
