im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize