This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
