The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck me I smell like cheese
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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