How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
