I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
