The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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