Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
