Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
