Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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