you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize