dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
