I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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